allegory (r) wrote,
allegory
r

boldness

I just did something quite bold. I hope it is taken as a compliment, and as evidence of the trust i have in you. And, i hope you post anonymously if you want to comment in here, to protect my anonymity. : )

I'm trying to be less neurotic. I'm trying to wrap my head around the complexity of what I feel for you, K (for anyone who might happen to be reading in and trying to keep the codes straight, this is not the K from before, this is new K, with the software, the making out, and the close intimate personally fulfilling and reassuring conversations) and how that is affected by this new kind of situation I'm having to consider.

I know I'm not ready to move my whole life, and yet I'm still pondering the possibility at some point. I find myself thinking about what I would have to do to pare down my personal affects, which I haven't done in a while. During college I never lived in a house during the school year, which means that every 4 months or so I picked up anything that was important to me and moved it to wherever I would live for the next 4 (except winter break in which I took an even smaller selection of important items for a month long hold over). When I graduated, the most important thing I wanted was to not have to move my life again, at least for a bit. And, I've found myself thinking that maybe it's getting near time to do it again. I also have to admit that you would be a pretty good incentive, too.

I also know it will take some time apart to know if those feelings hold true. Now I'm just waiting for this heart chasm I can see approaching, and I'm trying with some failures and some successes to, like I said before, be less neurotic about it all. I love you, and I want everything to turn out in both our best interests. I wish I knew what that was, but for now I can only dream about what I'd like it to be.

I hope I got this written before you get home and load it up. ; )
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