I'm thinking through everything, but inside I'm falling apart over this.
I think it's my fault. I'm sorry I've needed so much.
I should have just left well enough alone so many times. Left when I felt upset so many times, since where there was no consolation I wasn't going to pull it out of rock. I need to learn my patience well, and I always forget what that takes. I miss her already, and maybe what I need is to get through this initial separation anxiety and be able to, once I have a clear head, try to examine my emotions for her, try to clearly word (to myself) what it is I want, and try ever so hard not to expect anything at all.
I'm having that sick feeling again, and I can't sleep.