allegory (r) wrote,

I guess this might be for the best. I care about her, but I need to figure out how not to cling when things are weird, and she needs to figure out how not to take me for granted, which may come back to me needing to not get clingy and neurotic and letting her take me for granted, or reinforcing it at least. Ugh. I really like her and I wish I was more able to just be myself instead of getting freaked out and acting all aggressive with my emotions.

For a while I kept trying to do nice things for her to get her to respond in turn, but instead I felt like she just got more and more standoffish. I knew I needed to revise my approach and I failed miserably because I was weak to her because I just wanted everything to be right. I wanted to be strong and have fun and not freak out, but in turn her pushing away and taking me for granted made me more resolved in my action instead of just backing off. I guess I failed at being both strong and sensitive for her.

But, well, I just don't know now. I guess I hope everything turns out right. She's leaving anyhow, so together or apart it was going to be apart sooner or later.

Attention turned to introspection
on cue to review
finds silence inside
mesmerized vortices on
circular parade.

Double storms advance
wild and intent to seize
themselves, colliding
wrapped in a passionate
flail, mortally coiled
and poised.

  • ok, so it's been a while

    and i need to make note of this intriguing stroke of luck. on the usual subject. never did i expect to find myself sitting and talking philosophy…

  • paling

    I'm really scraping here. Just swirling water in a shallow pan, and trying not to lose whatever I might have. I figure, if something's there and I…

  • but

    all is not well. nothing is going as i hoped. release the pigeons and don't forget clip their wings when they return. make over. make do. make way.

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